


The Secrets We Keep

by AlexisTheSheep



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: F/F, Kidnapping, Lies, Original Character(s), Psychological Torture, School Shootings, Secret Marriage, Secret Relationship
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-25
Updated: 2018-11-18
Packaged: 2019-08-06 23:40:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,259
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16397300
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlexisTheSheep/pseuds/AlexisTheSheep
Summary: Every couple has a story. Ones close friends know. One everyone knows. Ones that no one knows. This is a story about two poeple in love surrounded by secrets: Jennifer Jareau and Emily Prentiss.





	1. A Secret Life

"The best way of keeping a secret is to pretend there isn't one."

                    ~Margaret Atwood

 

"Mom?" The little brunette boy whispered. No reply. "Mommmmmmmm!" Emily opened one eye "yes Lyle?" He smiled "breakfast." Oh god. Why did she have to live with two morning people! A soft pout escaped her mouth before standing up. Jennifer smirked at her lover "I let you sleep in so don't get all grumpy." Emily wrapped her arms around JJ "I don't get grumpy" she kissed her neck "mmmhh I'm sorry, I didn't come to bed last night. This case had me up all day." Jennifer understood that while Lyle didn't. "Tell that to Lyle! He was all like 'where's mom? Isn't she always in the bed with you? Is mom at work?' You owe me one." Lyle is their first son and he's perfect. A brunette with JJ's eyes and undoubtedly taking after Emily. The boy was only 5. Jennifer carried Lyle. Of course her pregnancy was definitely the hardest part to hide from the team. They didn't even know Emily and JJ were a couple let alone married with a kid. It's easier to hide from them then to explain when or how it happened. None of them asked anyways. As for why it was a secret? Emily felt as if it was theirs and theirs alone. A private home away to come back to. JJ liked the idea of having something that couldn't be profiled. For the blonde, Emily was always so secretive. She remembers all the times they snuck off with each other, the subtle looks of concern, and all the stolen kisses. "Baby, I own you everything. You're my little press liaison." Jennifer rolled her eyes "go check on your son." 

After dropping Lyle off at school, the two finally got some alone time. They had things to talk about. "Emily, you need to stop falling asleep on the couch. Work is done when we walk through the door." Emily held her wife's hand "I know I'm sorry." Jennifer puffed "no stop agreeing with me when I'm trying to be angry you're making it hard. Bed time is our time. And I really really like my alone time with you. It can be very very orgasmic." 

"Orgasmic? What the fuck, Jay? God, do you like me or something?" They both chuckled. The transition from loving couple to loving coworkers wasn't easy. As much as they wanted to reach out and hold each other but, they couldn't. Over the course of their relationship it became harder not to touch. Even before Lyle. Emily maybe used to sneak in her hotel room and cuddle her, once or twice a week. Oh hell. Now Jennifer couldn't sleep without her "Big bad cuddley profiler." That control slowly gets chipped away everyday. Emily couldn't help it, JJ couldn't either. "Maybe we should tell them?" The press liaison. thought about it for two seconds "do you really want to that right now, Em?"

She shook her head "it's up to you, love. Nothing in the world could same how I feel about you and Lyle.

[The office] 

Slow day. Nothing had come by their desks yet. All the paperwork? Caught up. Unorganized files? Nicely stacked. Broken Coffee maker? Fixed! Emily sighed as she check her phone. No texts from Lyle's school or sitter. No calls. Nothing. Is it bad that she wanted a case right now? Someone would have to be be dead. Dark thinking, Prentiss. Emily walked over to JJ's office. 

Knock.

Her door was closed. The blonde opened the door "hey Emily." She smiled "Hello Agent Jareau. Can I come in?" Soon enough the two were all over each other. Hands in hair. Bites marks. Jennifer placed a hand on Emily's shoulder "let's stop this while we can." They kissed one more time "you're right. We totally need to stop having sex in your office. Agent Jareau, would you like go get some coffee. In my house. In my bed?" 

"You're a dog! Oh my god!"

"Hey! You always come after me. Don't get all grumpy." JJ chuckled "my wife carries a badge and gun. I think she's really hot." Emily was definitely the dominant partner but, make no mistake JJ was the boss. Anything the blonde mother said, it goes. She could be one scary mama bear. "Wow. You better tone that talk, people might think you have a thing for me." 

Hotch knocked on the door "we've got a case. It's a bad one."


	2. Containment Breach

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Secrets can only truly be kept by one person. Maybe even two, if one of them is dead. Once it hits another's ear, it rings and rings until it leaves their mouth.

The depth of the love of parents for their children cannot be measured. It is like no other relationship. It exceeds concern for life itself. The love of a parent for a child is continuous and transcends heartbreak and disappointment.     

                     ~James E. Faust

 

How did they manage? Well, to say for the 5 years of Lyle's life have been easy and unproblematic, would be a lie. As a baby, he taken a huge liking to Emily while JJ dealt with postpartum depression. The brunette felt like she raised her son and JJ for 6 months. That passed. Eventually Jennifer had bounced back and since then it was a duel partnership. Hotch sat everyone around the table. His face was absolutely unreadable. Before their chief could start talking, Emily and JJ's phone rang. The brunette answered the call and walked out the room. "That was strange" Morgan chuckled. Jennifer played it out "yeah. I'm going to go check on her." Both parents gather by the meeting room door, Jennifer's concerned starts to show. "Thank you for calling. I'll come pick him up."

"Everything okay?" 

"Lyle's not having a good day. He wants me to pick him up. No one knows why he's acting up." Emily leaned against the glass "fuck. Can you cover for me?" Jennifer looked at her wife "yes, baby. I wish I could kiss you and tell you not to worry but, everyone's watching us."

"yea... alright. I'll see you at home." Jennifer started to walk away from the brunette. 

Is this managing? Lying to your friends and hiding away your life just because? The team thought that a pipe burst at Prentiss's house. "Okay. The local police here are requesting a letter sent to them. Threatening to shoot up local schools. They need to know if it seems valid." Morgan and Reid start working instantly while both of the agents with childs let pings of scary run rapid. Jennifer could only bury herself in work until she eigot a call from Emily. Luckily for them, the letters haven't gone public. The press loves to run wild. It all seemed like a job for the "full blown profilers" so she snuck out into Garcia's office. Instantly sneaking into a chair and sighing "one of those days?" 

"Yes" the blonde liaison whined "can I go home early?" Garcia giggled "you mean home with Prentiss?" Jennifer instant sat up in attention "what?"

"Oh please. I'm Penelope Garcia, BAU tech analysis, hacker, and best friend of both said Jennifer Jareau and Emily Prentiss. Afraid to tell you this but, you can't hide from me." Sighing agent Jareau spoke up "why do you know?" The hacker giggled "that you know you and Prentiss have been married for quite some time. I'm a little hurt but, I understand. What's the real reason, Emily had to leave?" Fuck. They had talked about this, what to say if someone figured it out. Of course, it was Penelope. She's understanding, right? "We have lunch in an hour? Do you want come over? I kinda have to show you something."

[An hour before]

"Hello Ms. Kelaheart. Can you tell me what happened?" The teacher met the agent at the front door "well, the day started out really great. Lyle worked and played with others but, all of the sudden, at recess, he shut down. Wasn't talking to me or his friends. About five minutes later, he was crying. I only got him to calm down after I asked to call you guys. He's in the nurse's office now." 

"Why is he okay?"

"Physically yes. We just checked to make sure. I have to ask a couple of questions but, we can go check on him first." 

First thing Emily notices is the fear in his eyes when he's realizes Jennifer isn't with her. Lyle was more than willing to be held by his mom. "Hey buddy. We'll talk at home, okay?" 

"Okie dokie." He closed his blue eyes and wrapped his tiny arms around Prentiss's neck. "Agent Prentiss if you don't mind waiting here until Principal Montez can see you." 

"No problem, Alexis. Thank you so much for calling us. I owe you something. Dinner maybe?" The teacher blushed and walked out. Emily turned her attention to the one person she cared about as much as JJ "Lyle, what's wrong?" 

"I was worried. about mommy and you."

Emily awkwardly half chuckled "why? You know Mommy and I always come home to you, right?" 

"Jake and his friends were talking about agents dying and you guys are fbi agents." 

His intelligence really shines through his words "yes that happens sometimes but, it's not going to happen. Jake and his friends don't know what they are talking about. They are just big kids picking on you, okay? I can talk to their parents, if you want?" Lyle shook his head "no. I just don't want you to die." 

"I'm not going to die. Mommy isn't either. We love you, son." He stopped talking and held onto to Emily tighter. The principal walked into the office and shook Emily's only available hand "agent. If you wouldn't mind answering some questions, my office is just around the corner." They all walk into spacious room. "okay first of all. This is the first time Lyle was acted out. Did something happen? A recent death or divorce?" The brunette didn't know to respond "no none of that." 

"Are you sure? I heard that agent Jareau and you--"

"My wife and I are fine."

"How often are you here?"

"As much as the job allows."

"how much is that?"

'Jesus fucking Christ, this man was two seconds away from getting-- stop Emily you have Lyle with you' "We have weekends and Thursday off. If we aren't here Lyle has a sitter, that he really likes. We call and video call him whatever we can or when he needs. Locals cases we pick him up. When we are here, we spend all their time with him."

"Are you sure that your job is something manageable with a child?"

"Yes. Jennifer and I have been doing this for five years. Lyle has no problem with it but, if he did, neither one of us would hesitate to leave."

"What's the point of you both having a job? It's not like you need the money..."

"I don't do my job for the money or benefits. I do my job to catch criminals. To make a safer world for my child and your children and hell even you. I do my job because I'm one of the best damn profilers and my team matches my skill set. They are family to me. We hunt bad people and come home to our children knowing that the world is safer because we caught someone. This job comes with its losts but, Jennifer and I do everything humanly possible to spend time with him. I don't know what your implying but, I think we are done here." Emily picked up Lyle's backpack and started her walk to the car. Soon after getting in the car, she left a voicemail for JJ. "Lyle. If you read to me for thirty minutes today, I promise we will have a really really fun day okay?" His smile was everything to Emily right now "what would we do?" 

"Anything you want little man! Pick up new books and art supplies? I heard there a new comic book store near our house."

"I love superman! Don't tell me mommy but," he whispers "I like spiderman." Emily laughs "does mommy not like spiderman?" He thinks about it "she hates spiders. One time she took me to grandma's house because you weren't home and there was a spider in the house. She lost sight of it and freaked." Sounds like JJ. "alrighty curly boy we are home. Don't forget your bag." Of course, the little wanted to be carried "last time I checked your legs work perfectly fine." He just smiled into Emily's neck. "I thought so." Somehow she managed grab her keys with one hand and almost fuck--. Nevermind on opening the door. The keys fell to the fall. On the other side Garcia grabbed the door knob thinking it was Jennifer, "that was fast--" 

Penelope, Lyle, and Emily just stood there. Staring.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeeks! I will not be write a halloween fiction this year.


	3. A Shared Burden

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little look into Jemily's past pains and sorrows.

Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal.

                        ~Richard Puz

 

Emily's heart stopped beating while Lyle poked out his head from Em's neck "mom? Who's that?" 

"Mom?" Garcia was so confused. The brunette agent frowned "how about you introduce yourself, just like we practiced, and I will go call mommy." Lyle wiggled his way from his mom's arms. Garcia followed the small boy to his room. "What's your full name?"

"Lyle Alexander Jareau-Prentiss."

"Alexander?"

"Xander, My brother's name." Lyle somberly started to look for his book to read. "What happened to your brother?" 

Emily walked into the room "Xander was our first child. Jennifer's and I's. Everything seemed fine but, later, 6 months later, he died. That terrorist. You remember that case because you told Jennifer not to worry but, you didn't know. Our son was at that park, and our sitter, and her son. All of them gone. JJ made me promise her that she wouldn't see him" Emily looked at her son telling him that they were going in the living room; he didn't need to hear this "so I carried that image. Xander's lifeless body but, not once did the team ask us if we were okay. Morgan told me 'not to get worked up. To imagine how the families felt. Reid gave me a statistically analysis of the chance of it being that park, day and time. The lethal rate of anthrax and the chance that we'd ever catch that bustard. Making everything worse, Jennifer called off our engagement as soon as we got home then stopped calling to me. I only talked her at work but, every night I just sat in front of her door hoping she'd talk with me."

[Flashback]

Emily had been leaving a cup of coffee on the counter for JJ. Everyday. Same mug. She learned that JJ wouldn't talk to her. They never exchanged words until someone's life depended on it but, Emily tried. "I won't be home until late tomorrow. Funny thing, I almost told you not to wait up for me but, you've been doing just fine without me." Jennifer couldn't bring herself to look at Emily. To tell her that she missed her or how much this hurt her. The blonde could only just stare at the coffee. Emily's check system to make sure the blonde could at least drink something also served as the only communication between them. Before walking out the door, JJ placed a hand on Emily's arm. She couldn't say anything or even let go but, Emily understood "I'll be safe." Bitterly, she let her soulmate left the house. Jennifer placed her head against the door "please stay."

[Current Time]

"so you continued to live together? Where did you sleep?" 

"I slept outside of our bedroom door for the most part. And yes we lived like that for nine months  but, before we were comfy for about three and half years."

"what the hell! How long have you guys been together?"

"We started, um, seeing each other two months after I joined the team. And starting dating five after that. I will let JJ tell you all of that." 

"So what happened after that?"

[Flashback]

Jennifer was still wide awake. Being honest it was easier to sleep knowing Emily's just outside. Maybe if she just let Emily in, this pain would go away. She heard the door open and not one but, two sets of footsteps "Emily. Where should I place you?" JJ hear the female's voice. Who was she? "The guestroom." That's too far. 

"Why not the bedroom?" 

"JJ is sleeping."

"Then go sleep with her."

"Can't. I've tried and she-- needs time." 

"It's been 5 months. Don't you miss sleeping in a bed?"

"I miss being near her but, if it makes JJ's pain easier then I will endure not sleeping in a bed with her for five years. I just wish we were talking. I'm forgetting her voice, her smile, and I don't feel like she's even here. She's hurting." The college professor grabbed a glass and filled it with water "but you saw him. After he died? So, you're hurt too?"

"I am. JJ deals with pain differently then me. I store it away while she feels all her feelings at once and throughout. It's late and I have work tomorrow." 

"I know. Get checked out. I'm worried about you and I'm worried about JJ. Happy wife, happy life." Emily's friend walked out the door leaving JJ to absorb her snooping. Emily walked to the bedroom door. 

Knock.

"Jennifer. I'm home. I don't know if you're up but, I'm going to sleep in the guestroom. I-i-i love you." The brunette started to walk off in defeat. Slowly JJ turns the doorknob and caught Emily's eyes. It's been a five months since they had been so close. Breathing the same air, standing on the same wooden plank. A pale hand ran down Jennifer's neck "come on Jay. Just talk with me. Scream at me. Punch me. Blame me for killing our son!" 

"IT WAS YOUR FAULT!" 

Emily chuckled "there it is. The real reason you can't look at me. To you I'm a murderer. So, why not break up with me, instead of hanging me to dry out and die." Jennifer melts into Emily's hand "I needed someone to blame. So I shut you out. But, not truly. You slept near the bedroom and that helped. Having you close. Even now with you holding me. I just want to kiss you and drag to bed but, at the same time I want yell at you and hurt you for leaving that day. Running off to a case like a addict. You killed our son and let you because I killed him too!" 

Emily held JJ closer "I know, Jay. I know, baby." Two parents addicted to work leaving their child. A mistake they wouldn't make again. "It's our burden. Our sin."

[Current Time]

"And we do. I take all Jennifer gives me until I can't handle it. So far I can handle all of it. Jay still struggles and I'm more than willing to torture myself if she doesn't cry herself to bed for one more night." 

Garcia half smiles at her brunette friend. Those two were in love. And Lyle? He's absolutely adorable. Jennifer knocked on the door with a hand full of bags "hey Em. I need some help." 

"Did you buy the whole store?" The blonde shrugged and left Emily to store things in their 'proper place' Lyle hugged his mother. They shared a cute reunion but, Garcia finally cleared her throat "I'm still missing a huge half of this story." Jennifer sighed "yeah what did you she tell you?" 

"That you guys have been lying to me and the team for years now." 

"It's not like that" Emily said while pouring a glass of whiskey "it was a lie. Just a huge secret." 

"When did you start drinking again?" Jennifer couldn't help but, wonder where the bottle had come from. "Yeah. Ever since my wife forgot to tell me that I would have to open some old wounds. I had to tell her about Xander. Alone." Just by the look in her eyes, Emily could tell that she was sorry. "But. I won't if you do want." 

"Please don't." 

[Flashback]

"You can't just drink away our problems" JJ screams at Emily. "and you can't just lock yourself away for 7 months but, oh wait you did!" It took Jennifer two more months since their last talk to actual hold a conversation. Always fighting. Just screaming at each other, over stupid shit. "How many times do I have to say sorry? What do you want from me?" 

"I don't maybe you could stop yelling at me!" 

"Oh yea? Does your head hurt? Lemme guess you're hungover?" 

"No I'm not." 

"Jesus fucking Christ spare me the shit Emily! You are and you're about to get wasted again. Fine. Go ahead. Fucking drink yourself to death. While you're at it, shoot me. I can't fucking live let alone remember to function without you so if you're going to kill yourself slowly, know that you're also killing me." Jennifer started to cry and that was Emily's cue to come over and try to comfort her "I'm sorry." The brunette calmly swayed "I'm sorry. I'll stop. Please just don't cry." She couldn't stop. 

"Jennifer I'm sorry okay. Please don't shut me out again. I-i really need you right now." 

How could the blonde be so blind? Last time they talked she called her lover a murderer. The reason her son died. She heard the brunette cried about how much she missed her. They were fucked. Both struggling from demons that haunted them. "Stop drinking and I'll stop locking the bedroom door. We'll be there for each other. Start to cope. Because Xander is dead but, we can still live. That's what he'd want. I just need to know you'll stop." Emily picked up the bottle of poison and threw it against the wall. It shattered sending glass all over the counter along with it's contents. The brunette rubbed her thumb across JJ's tear soaked cheek "I can't continue to do this alone. I need my partner. My other half." They shared a short soft kiss. A kiss that said everything. No matter what happened love doesn't disappear. It just gets hidden by other emotions and it only takes a little TLC for love to come rushing back.

[Current Time]

Emily pours out the familiar poison and goes to sit with Lyle and the other women. "Lyle, would you be okay with Penelope joining our super fun day." 

It was time to finally tell someone on the team. And the couple just hoped that Garcia could kept this secret. Lyle whispered something in Emily's ear that her chuckle sightly. "Alrighty the little man has informed me that you can join us but, first you must, well, you see." Jennifer groaned "not this again" 

"Oh yes babe. It's happening."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I little later but, I damaged my hand pretty badly so it's going to be really hard for a few days. I know it might be better to wait but it might be a few months. Chapters are going out 3 every week starting next month.


	4. Nightmare Season

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What is a 'normal' night at the Jareau/Prentiss night. A sneak peek into the casual life of our Jemily pairing before the storm.

I wish I had done everything on Earth with you

                   ~The Great Gatsby

 

Why pick a job that gives you nightmares? A job that makes dread a simple ringtone. Seven knights drop everything and run towards something terrible, like it's nothing. What do you do; When all those tricks and tips government issued therapists suggested stop working? Start actively seeking help. Asking someone who understands, someone you trust. Emily was wide wake again, thinking, while Jennifer's peaceful wrapped around her. Two months of semi-meaningless sex and one month of actual dating another human, the same beautiful woman, helped. JJ is that person. She makes the nightmares seem irrelevant. "Why are you still up? Thought I wore you out" Jennifer snuggled closer to the agent. "Ha. Yeah. Baby, can ask you question?"

"Always." 

"Do you get nightmares?" 

Jennifer sighed "I did. When I first started at the BAU, sleep became almost like torture. Emily, are you having--"

"Every night."

"Tell me about it." They both sat up. Taking each other's hands gently. "It's always the same dream. Always the same ending."

[Current Time]

Lyle made his way down from his bunk bed. Later, he would crawl into Emily and JJ's bed. Usually both of them were still sleeping and he'd join them but, his matching brunette happened to be wide awake. "Did you have a nightmare, mom?" She nods. "Same one?" The boy climbed on the bed making sure not to hurt his teddy bear. "I get them too, mom. Maybe you borrow Mr. Croc?"

"Mr. Croc? Oh no buddy. He's yours, Lyle." 

He was not taking no as the boy ran off to his room. Jennifer's head poked up "was it the same one?" 

"No. A new one. I have a bad feeling about something?" The blonde gave her a look "we are off today if you want to talk about it." Emily shook her head "I really want a day with my wife" she kissed Jennifer's hand "son" she paused "without the horrors of our job ruining it." Lyle came back dragging a large crocodile  by its tail. Both agents were not so excited about sharing their bed with Mr. Croc. "So Lyle. How did you like Penelope?" 

He shrugged "she likes waffles more than pancakes... I am not sure if we can trust her otherwise she's awesome." Emily offered to grab both of them drinks leaving the two younger people alone. They didn't get to bond as much. A part of Jennifer felt like all that time was irreplaceable but, she knew it wasn't. Lyle was gifted. He understood when she didn't. Separating Xander and Lyle was impossible. Both were perfect mixtures of her and Emily, both are her whole world but, only one of them is gone. Jennifer needed to keep trying to reach him and connect. "hey Lyle" he looked at her with a smile "how about you and I make something special for mom, today?" 

He flopped into the blonde's arms "I can't cook?"

"Well. I'll teach ya. It will be our little secret?" He agreed. Just like that dinner plans were formed. Emily eventually came back with three mugs of hot chocolate. From the outside they looked like a normal family. No one could tell that the most of their first almost tore them apart, or that Jennifer's heart broke a little every time she looks at her Lyle. No one knew that Emily still couldn't forgive JJ or that the familiar bad feeling currently haunted her. To others they were just a two mother household raising a little angel. Lyle ended staying in their bed watching movies only about six at night. The brunette agent had drifted over thirty minutes ago. It allowed JJ and Lyle to sneak off to the store.

"Did you know that a day on Venus is longer than a single Earth year?" 

Jennifer chuckled "no I didn't. What else do you know about space?" 

"Venus and Mercury do not have moons." The blonde picked up some of the ingredients for lemon pepper chicken. "Keep it going, Lyle." 

"Sunsets on Mars are blue" he looked that the oil filled bottle "what is koshee salt?"

"Kosher salt. Remember sound it out first then ask for help. Don't guess straight away baby." For once Jennifer was able to spend alone time with Lyle without freaking out. She's getting better. "You know, Lyle you remind me of this agent mom and I work with. His name is Spencer Reid and he also knows about space" well everything. "Will I meet him?" She huffed "damn where the wine?" Lyle smiled "that's five dollars in the swear jar." Ugh this kid was too on it. Couldn't he be more spacey and not try to rob her everytime she cursed. Emily would be broke by now. "How about I give you a cookie and we can forget about that jar for today?" 

"make it two."

His smile worked like a charm "okay. Fine. Little freakin Emily clone." 

[After dinner]

Clink. "To having some alone time." Lyle was asleep. No guests were over. Just two wives drinking wine. "Do you remember Paris? After we got married, you had the wonderful idea to pick up hiking for the day?" Jennifer laughed "yes! We were going strong then I got lazy and you carried me the rest of the way. Ummmhhh Rome. We both got wasted on... UGH I can't remember but, you were convinced that the moon was just made of cheese. I vaguely remember me agreeing with you." Emily topped off both glassss "ah yes cheesy moon night. That was the most unnecessarily long chat about 'what kind of cheese the moon is?' Chat I have ever had." Both of them are smiling messes."Do you have those chats often?" Emily scoffs "no but, I was with you so, if we've talked about declining Coral Reefs I'd enjoy it." Jennifer put down both her and Emily's glass "why do you always say the sweetest crap when I'm trying not to devour your face?" Emily let her hand fall on JJ's thigh "trying not to?" The blonde moved to straddle her wife. They rested foreheads against each other's. "Perhaps the couch isn't the best place to, um, continue this, um, conversation." Jennifer practically ran to the master bedroom but, poor agent Prentiss with her. Both of the women were down to their bares when one of the work cells rang. JJ, who was "not" falling into Emily's charm, didn't answer right away until the other rang as well. Luckily for the blonde, Emily stopped her less than godly whispers and kisses for her to answer "Please tell me this is a misdial?" The chief on the other end informed her that it wasn't. "Okay Prentiss and I will be there in 30." 

"Fucking damn" JJ wasn't happy while the brunette on the other was all giggles "what the hell are you happy for?" She shrugged "hey, baby. I'm glad we are hunting psychos together." 

"I'm sure that's a common couple pastime. Get up, get dressed, and call the sitter, also this" she points to herself then at the other party "isn't even close to over." 

"Ha like it ever is." Jennifer playful throws a pillow. Emily pulls out a pair of handcuffs from the drawer "Jennifer Jareau. Don't make me arrest you."

She huffed again "call the sitter. Also it's Jennifer Jareau/Prentiss!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ha. I'm sorry. I feel like a terrible writing let alone writing, um, as one would say smut (should I?) Most of you are probably screaming at me to move it along and I am. Next chapter is out on the 4th.


	5. A/N

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Update.

Writer's block has plagued me again! So I want to skip to the main climax and backtrack throught the team's eyes. I feel like this is the best course of action for the story. If you feel otherwise please tell me.


	6. Gag Order

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone has a fear. JJ has hers, Emily too. How would you react if one half of your worst fear came true.

"Jennifer!" Hotch yelled for the third time. The blonde refuses to unlock her office door. Instead rocking and crying on the floor; she couldn't believe it. Her worse nightmare. In the flesh. Nothing felt real. "This can't be happening" she repeats. 

[One hour ahead]

Lyle had chosen to take Emily for career day, leaving JJ to keep the peace at work. They had all been running around looking for anything to help them find the mystery letter's sender. It was a threat. A case they couldn't solve due to lack of information but, they were keeping a close eye of everything. "What makes this so important?" 

Hotch starts to explain "the letter was sent to the senator: Peter Winters. I wasn't allowed to tell you this until last night."

"Gag order?"

"Yes, Morgan. As far as we know our unsub, has problems with Peter that he intents to solve with a bullet. Now, Reid, tell me what you got from the letter." 

"You see, the letter comes off as disconnected from the reader, women when writing want to form a relationship between reader and writer while men want to convey specific information, less personal. This unsub is most likely male. Only 10.5% of known homicides are comitted by women. 19.9 for violent crime. Overall he's very consistent in his message: Attacking randomly, planning for a high body count, and sending a message." 

Jennifer looked up from the files "how do we know that it's credible?" 

"Due to the ongoing investigation, I can't say actually why we know it's credible but, it is. This wasn't our main case but, it is today. I want a name." The unit chief walked off leaving the agents to dish out puzzle pieces. Rossi chimed in "Garcia, you keep a hold on everything. Online and on the news, if you see anything that even seems like our unsub, come out banging pots and pans. Jennifer, I need you to get in contact with the senator. Get a list of everyone in past of has threatened and everyone who might want to hurt him. Reid see if you can match any other media forum to the letter's syntax. Morgan join Reid. I will check on Hotch."

JJ walked out to start calling people in her office. She quickly checked her phone:

Emily: Lyle made me go first. Had to "profile" all the parents to their kids. 

Jennifer: Awww poor baby :[

Emily: yeah, poor me. See you after work. I love you! 

Jennifer: love you both! 

The blonde sighs as she punches in the first number for Peter Winters. "Hello this Karmen Michelson how may I help you?"

"Hey. I'm Jennifer Jareau with the FBi, is Mr. Winters there?"

"I'm afraid I'm not at liberty to discuss Senator's location right now. Have a nice day." The man hung up. She called two other numbers and was starting to get pissed off "hi this Jennifer Jareau with the FBI and I need to talk Senator Peter Winters, now. This is urgent." 

A timid calm male voice came through the phone "hello Agent Jareau. I'm sorry about the previous calls. That must of been frustrating but, I'm sure you understand giving the recent threats." He sounded less like the asshole she pictured. Voices are deceiving. Yet again people also are. "Sir. It would be best if you came by..." Her train of thought came to a cataclysmic stop. Garcia's office door just opened and slammed within two seconds "I'm sorry sir something came up. Please stop by our offices." Running, a confused JJ stares at Morgan as the frantic hacker fumbled with the tv remote. Some crappy cop show turns into the local news. A red banner flashed across the screen: Breaking News. 

"This just in we heard of multiple shots first fired at a K-8 school--" and with that JJ ran to get her phone. Morgan death scream for Hotch and Rossi. Failed calls caused Jennifer to start panicking. She stared at the television waiting for more news. This was definitely their unsub. "Local police are choosing to keep the name of the school away from the public right now. Although we can tell you that at least seven people are reported injured and one dead. Three people reported with guns and only one enemy shooter." The news cuts to a short commercial break leaving JJ to desend into her only personal nightmare. Tears falling down, coating everything she saw. Her ears were the only things of fully function. "This just in, the police had released the name of the school. Parents are advised to stay away until the perpetrator is caught. 35% of the student population has been evacuated from the school at long with their teachers." And she heard it 'Clearwater Middle School' and everything stopped. Her heart. Her breathing. She'd lost them. Alexander first and now Lyle and Emily. All for what? This fucking job? Prentiss always answered her calls. Always. 

[Current time]

Garcia is the only one who understands what's happening to her coworker. She could confirm one thing: Lyle is okay. It could her awhile but, she got in touch with Jamie Kelaheart, Lyle's teacher, and from there had local police bring him here. The brunette is shaken almost catatonic. Garcia took the boy's hand "Lyle. Your mommy really needs you right now. She thinks you're hurt and she needs you, more than anything." He allows Penelope to pick him up. Part of her was scared. Scared about how JJ would react to her spilling a long kept secret. Something that would bring up a list of questions and consequences. Everyone in the offices looked at her. Each agent staring at the little boy in her arms. And the team? They looked more confused then everyone in the previous room. Lyle kept his head buried, looking away from all the people. The blonde hacker couldn't even look at the others. She knocked on JJ's office door "Jennifer. Please come out" no reply "JJ I have Lyle with me." He understood the que to speak. Hotch and Morgan equally stare at the boy. He had to be around five. 

"Mommy?" 

Jennifer couldn't believe her ears. That voice. It was her son's. It is her son. She got up and stood by the door "yes, baby. Is mom with you?" 

"She's still at the school."

"Lyle, what teddy did you gave mom?"

"Mr. Croc." She instant opened the door. All she saw was her son in Garcia's arms but, to everyone else Jennifer's face is covered in tears and a ring suddenly on her finger. Penelope handed Lyle over. The mother felt waves of relief crash into her "are you okay?" She felt him nod "Is mom okay?"

"I don't know" his blue eyes full of fear and a hint of hope "I put Mr. Croc in her purse, she'll be okay, right?" Hotch and Jennifer stared at each other "Emily's always fine."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this took forever

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading. I would love your feedback! New chapter every two days.


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